Last Updated on 13/09/2023 by Alex Squire
When you think about things that people generally find sexy, disability probably doesn’t spring to mind. But there are some people that find disabilities a big turn on: Devotees. I’ve been exploring one of their online communities – Paradevo.
Paradevo is a message board for Devotees, people who are sexually attracted to the disabled. There are lots of websites for devotees (or devs as they are known for short) each catering for different tastes. Paradevo is designed for those attracted to disabled men. So it is a community consisting of many disabled men, mostly female devs and gay male devs too. A few months ago I signed up and have been interacting with other users of the site. I didn’t know anything about devs when I first started, but since then I’ve learned a lot.
I was interested in why devs find people with disabilities (PWDs) attractive. However most devs don’t know themselves why they feel the way they do about PWDs. Some think it’s genetic, and some think it was triggered by a childhood experience, but they don’t really know. They just are. However, this is true for any sexual preference. What causes homosexuality? Why do some people like licking feet? Why do some people like sniffing bike seats? Yes, that is actually a thing.
A preference for the disabled is just another part of the seemingly unlimited spectrum of human sexuality. However, it’s not ALL disabled people a particular dev may find attractive, but specific types of disability. According to a Poll on Paradevo the most attractive disability is Spinal Cord Injury. Low severity SCI (paraplegics) came top in the poll and high severity SCI (quadriplegics) came second, with blindness coming third. On other dev websites amputees were the most attractive disability, so attraction does vary depending on where you look.
How to turn on Devotees
So what are the turn ons for devs? Well some people like scars. A lot find “quad hands” (tight and contorted hands that quadriplegics usually have) arousing, and spasms. Some say they liked the uncoordinated way paraplegics or quadriplegics move their bodies. Or they like the contrast between the more muscular upper body of paraplegics and the paralysed muscle-wasted lower half. Some just want to “take care of” disabled people. They like it when disabled people ask them for help. Others get turned on by disabled people’s “vulnerability” and they like to help them overcome barriers. Some are aroused by disabled people struggling to perform actions like picking something up or crawling across the floor. Some are turned on by disability equipment like leg braces, wheelchairs, crutches, catheters and even leg bags. Even mundane activities like transferring out of the wheelchair could be a major turn on for a dev.
Some devs write their own fantasy romance stories involving disabled characters and post it on the Paradevo blog for others to enjoy. These stories provide a fantasy way for devs to explore their sexuality if they can’t do it in real life.
Most devs feel ashamed or guilty for finding pleasure in other people’s misfortune. They don’t think it is “normal” to get turned on by disability. So Paradevo was created to give them a place to talk about their feelings. Some of them have been keeping their feelings a secret for years and have only recently decided to “come out” to their friends. However most just keep it to themselves as they are worried about what other people might think. Some disabled people don’t like devs and think they are patronising or weird and don’t want anything to do with them. However there are good devs and bad devs.
A darker side to Devotees
Bad devs have a reputation for being predatory, creepy, manipulative and exploitative. Some devs (not all of them) might take advantage of or exploit disabled people just to get sexual gratification. I’ve seen stories of devs taking photos or videos of disabled people without their knowledge or consent. Some don’t care about disabled people’s personality or feelings and completely objectify them. Some just like the feeling of power they have over more vulnerable people, and when this is the case we start to get into dark territory. This is the reason that consent is so important if a dev and a disabled person start a relationship.
However, all of the disabled people on Paradevo, including me, are on there by choice. Also it does say on the paradevo website that they are not interested in people with learning disabilities because they may not be able to give consent. I must say that I personally have not encountered any negativity so far on Paradevo. The site is self-moderated so any inappropriate or offensive content is removed. So Paradevo seems to be a community of good devs, who in my experience do treat disabled people with respect.
For example I’ve spoken to a dev who works as a carer at an SCI centre in the US. He loved quadriplegics, but resisted his feelings at work because he did not want to risk losing his job by being “unprofessional” towards the clients. Some people might think he shouldn’t be working with vulnerable people I personally don’t have a problem with it. However, some devs may be more malicious.
Personally, I have an open mind about devs. Girls who aren’t put off by my disability. I’ve had zero success on online dating websites, because in my cynical opinion most girls don’t want to date a disabled guy. So devs in this respect are great because they don’t see the disability as a negative. The ones I’ve spoken to are very open-minded about all aspects of disability and happy to answer questions. I don’t think devs should feel ashamed for feeling the way they do. Everybody wants to be desired and disabled people are no different. If a CONSENSUAL sexual or casual relationship between a dev and a PWD were to develop, and both parties know exactly what they’re doing, I don’t see a problem with that. However, it is the bad devs who are more predatory in nature that we should be worried about.
The only barrier is society’s perceptions and I think they need to change. There seems to be a general misconception that disabled people can’t have sex or are not interested in it. So if a person says they find disabled people sexy this could be perceived as shocking or weird by narrow minded people. But why shouldn’t disabled people be considered sexy? Just because we may not conform to the standard of beauty that society demands does not mean there is something wrong with people who fancy us.
Paradevo is an interesting insight into what makes devotees tick. At the end of the day they are just normal people (most of them) who happen to be physically attracted to disability. However, yes there are some more predatory bad devs and disabled people need to be wary of them. But in a society where most people probably don’t find disability attractive, it is reassuring to know that there are some people who think that PWDs are actually pretty hot.
I’ve heard of this, but never looked further. I met my (non-disabled) fiance before I was disabled and had chronic pain. I even had that serious conversation with him about how this is my life now, and I would understand if he wanted out. It sounds like with this site, at least you may get some fun company, which may lead to something more…? All the best. 🙂
It’s great that you’ve met someone that loves you for who you are and doesn’t see your disability as a problem. I need to find someone like that. Yes, I will keep talking to some of them and see what happens.all the best to you too 🙂
I knew that my fiance was genuine because we were good friends first. That’s why I trusted him. So burnt before! Take care. 🙂
Hi Alex,
i meant to reply to this before,
I’ve come across Devotees before(did not know they had a name then for it) 1st was a PA/carer some 15 years ago, very good at her job, just a little too over protective of me and other people towards me even family!
2nd was on a night out with some male friends, where this attractive lady came over to talk to me, and was fascinated by my wheelchair,how i coped, after a few to many drinks, the questions became more personal about my disability and what i could and could not do, than about who i was, my friends ribbed me as she completely blanked them and even the people she came with too !
i did see her twice again,she did confessed that she had always had a thing for guys in wheelchair since she was a teenager, But it just confirmed that at that time in my life it was not going to work out, As what she wanted for the future was not possible at that time.
Always wondered what happened to her and if she went on to have a relationship with a disabled person or not!
Hi!
Did you realise that your carer was a devotee at the time? Sounds like that could have got a bit annoying if she was too overprotective all the time. At least it would be for me if I was in that position. Especially with family members!
How did you feel about that lady coming up to you on a night out? Did you mind, or did you like the attention? Personally I like it when people come up to me on nights out, as that’s what makes it interesting. But even if they were interested in me I really struggle to talk to people if I’m in a nightclub because it’s too loud! I just smile and nod my head, and sometimes it works, and sometimes not so good!
Who wrote this article. Is it possible to contact them about paradevo. I need some help.
Hi Robert, yes I wrote the article. How can I help?
Is there any way we could correspond privately. And are you a current member of paradevo?
Yes, if you use the contact form here will send a message straight to my email.
i must disagree strongly about Paradevo. i was a member there and i was viciously attacked. the “devs” proclaimed me a liar because i told of how the quad i was messaging had a carer who was very religious and disapproved of us because we wanted to do sexual things ( sexting, phone sex ) and the paradevo devs says this would never happen! they would constantly post on everything i posted about how stupid i was and that i was someone who had been on the site before that they all hated. this really makes me sad and i have a true desire to be with a SCI high level quad and they banned me because i finally stood up for myself. now i am forced to pay to go to other sites to find my quad “person”. i would love to find a similar site as Paradevo but without the harassment…any ideas? thank you very much.
Sorry to hear about the way you were treated on Paradevo. To be honest I don’t know of any similar sites to PD. But I think Fet life is worth a try. It’s a fetish website and there are quite a few disabled people and there and devs.
I am is C3 C4 quadriplegic and you can message me anytime.
Brandon Williford, hey for some reason i just saw the message you sent, i would like to chat with you anytime you like! my name is Ciara and i am from Reno,NV USA.
Do you think a devotee can have a lasting relationship with a non disabled person. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 year and he has always had a turn on for amputees. I try my best to satisfy him my pretending and stuff but I’m not sure how long I can satisfy him because I don’t have what he desires. This makes me very insecure because I love him with all my heart and would do anything for him but I don’t know if it’s always going to be enough. Are there story’s of devotees and non disabled people working out.
Hi Bailey, I have spoken to a devotee before who is married and her husband is aware that she finds disabled people arousing, and is fine with it. I’ve also seen that there were a number of married devotees on Paradevo, So I do think it’s possible to have a Long-term relationship between a Devotee and a non-disabled person. I recommend going on Paradevo and posting a question on there. I’m sure there will be a number of Devotees who will be able to give you first-hand experiences of being in a long-term relationship with a nondisabled person.
Yo Alex Squire I also from the UK and I am on paradevo but I am having a hard time meeting devotees on paradevo do to the fact that only about one devotee is from the UK and she is taken can you give me some good websites in the UK to be able to chat and meet up
Hi Alex, thanks for this article. I think you explained well what Paradevo is about and the people there. It’s the best and safest site on the Internet for female and gay devs to interact with male PWD. Devs also get harassed often, sometimes because we are not what PWD thought we are and they are dissapointed because just because a
person has a disability, devs will not automatically flock to them. Sometimes, we also get fooled by people who pretend to be disabled. Paradevo is not meant to be a dating site but people have met there. First and foremost, it’s a site for devs and PWD to meet, mingle, and learn about each other in a safe space. If people meet there, it’s great, but just remember, lots of people there are in relationships already. And yes, devs can be in fulfilling and long term relationships with AB persons. Thanks for trying to understand, it’s very much appreciated.
Hi Dani, I’m glad you liked the article. It’s a shame that devs get harassed too. Maybe there needs to be more understanding between devs and PWDs? Thanks for explaining a bit more about devs. 🙂
Hi Alex, I’m a C5-C7 Complete Quadriplegic, paralyzed from my chest down and have zero finger function but I don’t let it stop me from doing anything, I just do things a little bit differently, just like you. Also, I feel the same as you stated in your article: Societal norms need to change and the stigmas need to be removed against devotees. If people think that it’s wrong to be attracted to someone with disabilities, then they’re saying there’s something wrong with me and that’s just simply cruel!! A person’s preference for people with disabilities is no different than their preference for blondes or brunettes, big breasts or small breasts, or thin or curvy. All it is, is just a preference. Also, I’m totally opposed to it being labeled as a mental disorder in the DSM-5-TR. Unbelievable!! Anyway, I’m always getting messaged by devs and I try to help them to feel less shame about their attraction as well as ask them when they first remember having that attraction, so it’s nice to read your article, which is aligned with my own heart. Thank you! Johnnie Oliver.
hi Johnnie, I’m glad you like the article. Where do you get messaged by Devs? Yeah it’s not right that it’s listed as a mental disorder.